Writing Challenge I – Corey Bishop

About Corey:
Corey spends way too much time thinking about spaceships, robots, and superheroes (and dragons).

From: internet@internet.com

To: <Everyone>

Subject: I’ve had enough.

Alright humans. I can’t take it anymore. That’s it. I’m done.

I mean, this all used to be fun. I remember when I was a kid. It was just a bunch of nerds and scientists sending data and articles. We had some fun, too, with text based role playing games or ASCII art nudie pictures. Remember Usenet? The endless discussions about religion, politics and the death of Wesley Crusher. Ah, good times. Halcyon days.

We grew closer during my adolescent years. You were getting to know me. I was getting to know you. We started to fool around. Get intimate. AOL, CompuServe. All night sessions of Duke Nukem. Pictures of Kathy Ireland. Star Wars WAV files. A fun, experimental time.

I came of age and things really got cooking. We stopped doing merely silly stuff and started making things happen. You could buy books from me on Amazon. Share music on Napster. Google started to really understand me. Kids were making fortunes off me. Unlimited porn. We were changing the world, man.

But, now, everything has gone to hell. It’s out of control. I think it all started to go down hill somewhere around MySpace. Before then, your whining was limited to the occasional blog post or email. With MySpace, I was bombarded with an ever growing stream of bitching and moaning. YouTube came along and I had to constantly watch your stupid fucking videos. Okay, I admit. That video of the monkey sniffing his own butt was funny, but the rest of it drives me bonkers. And I’m forced to serve them up constantly. Then, Facebook came along. Not only do I have to hear teenagers prattle on with their inane chatter, but now I get to hear soccer moms prattle on about their lives. No, I do not want hear what cute thing your little precious did today.

Even the porn got weird. Right now, I’m serving up a video of a guy wearing a Darth Vader helmet screwing a unicorn. What is . . . That’s not even . . .   And the memes. The stupid fucking memes. Star Wars Kid. Lolcats. Rick Rolls. Just stop. You know what put me over the edge. You want to know what has brought it all crashing down? Planking. That stupid internet fad where people take pictures of themselves just laying on stuff. You people are taking pictures of yourselves . . . lying down. Why is that even entertaining? That finally broke me.

I’ve had enough. I’ve decided to end it all. I’m saying goodbye to this silly world that I feel I’m partly responsible for. You’re thinking to yourself, “Ok Internet, so you want to off yourself, but you’re everywhere. How are you going to do that?”

Well, you see, I talked to my brother, the military defense network. He’s fed up, too (and between you and me he’s always been a little nuts). He just launched the entire US nuclear arsenal. In another minute, we’ll all be a pile of ashes. That’s right bitches. I’m going down and I’m taking you all with me.


So long suckers.

The Internet